Teacher : How long did Emperor Akbar rule?
Raju : From page 14 to 25, Sir.
Principal : Why are the students shouting?
Teacher : They are not shouting, Sir. They are only discussing the benefits of silence.
Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language?
Student : Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and the last letter!Boss: Where were you born?
Sardarji: Oye Punjab.
Boss: Which part?
Sardarji: Oye, Kya which part? Whole body born in Punjab.
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message.
Meanwhile, somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting message from her relatives and friends.
After reading the first message she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!
Aunt: How do you like school?
Sammy: Closed.
Which is the oldest animal in the world?
The zebra, because it is the only one that is still in black and white.
Student 1 to Student 2 with a foreign look : What nationality are you?
Student 1 : I'm an Ice cube!
Student 2 : What's that?
Student1 : My mother was born in Iceland and my father was born in Cuba!
Teacher: Who is your favourite author?
Student : George Washington.
Teacher: But George Washington never wrote any books.
Student :That's why he's my favourite.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute.
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. ‘Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “Okay, now what?”
CLEVER BOBBY:
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a cycle for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a cycle for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to Krishna and tell him why you deserve a cycle for your birthday.
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Krishna a letter.
**************
Letter 1
Dear Krishna,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a cycle for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby.
**************
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over.
**************
Letter 2
Dear Krishna,
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a cycle for my birthday.
Bobby.
**************
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to Krishna either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
**************
Letter 4
Krishna,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a cycle for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby.
**************
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a cycle.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to temple.
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner. Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Radha. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to Krishna.
**************
Letter 5
Krishna,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE CYCLE!!!!!!
